Monday, 12 January 2015

When friends drift apart....

This post is something about what i had experienced in my life.
Being a girl with lots of attitude,and a personality that not many can handle(except the ones who know me really well) i dont have many friends.
I can be real chatty sometimes that i can irritate people and real quite to leave people wondering what the matter is.
Really angry on a smallest thing and the biggest mistakes wont matter to me sometimes. I can be real possessive about something or someone and very careless sometimes. I am an emotional fool as my friends quote me and i get emotionally attached to.the people.around me.

Well coming to the point i just want to share my experience of one such emotional bonding of me and my "best friend". I will call him 'T' here as his name starts with the letter T.
T and i met a year before when our college started. We were in the same class but we never interacted with each other to an extent of becoming friends.( I didnt understand his name for the first 3- 4 weeks as it's really unique and can be difficult to pronounce)In fact the first conversation i ever had with him in the class was while distributing the test papers. I was the one distributing the papers and while handing him one i asked him "How to pronounce your name exactly?" And he told me and that was it. We never talked much after  that for atleast for the 1st whole semester. Just the normal hi...hello greetimgs while crossing each other in the way of our classes
I remember one little interraction we had about the backlog he had for the engg graphics subject. His sheets were pending to be completed and i offered to help him.( not that he asked me to. But he was talking to gis friends about it and i couldnt help over hearing.)
And when i completed and returmed him the one sheet that i offered to help he was impressed. Not by my work or drawings but because i wrote his SURNAME properly. He said no one is able to do that in one attempt about his surname...
I was like c'mon after all "I have written it!"#wink#proud face
We really started talking to each other when once in the CAD practical lab. A guy from our class i almost hated was about to sit besides me. And i dont know how or may be my expressions T understood that and he asked that boy to get up and get anothe PC. (I still wonder what would hav been the reason he gave that guy)
I thanked him for his polite gesture and we went ahead with the practicals. We talked about many things including CAD,our college faculties,a little bit of bitching and fun with other people. Eventually the practical got over and at the end of it we exchanged our phone numbers(of course he asked fo it.) And by the talks he seemed a decent,intelligent,smart,funny,pleasant,sensitive,guy with a immense knowledge about technology,a gadget geek and a football lover.(And forgot to mention really handsome by his looks).
We began chatting on social networking sites,exchanging our views ,thoughts,idea about many things like studies,electronics,careers,girls and boys.;)
We eventually became great friends who had the ability to understand each other. Sometimes even without words. Knowing everything about each others life we became best of friends. I was always very possessive about T and so was he about me.
He never had an girl friend before so i was the only girl he had ever been sooooo possessive about.
We had a common  group of friends. All very supportive and smart.
In the mean time i had a very bad patch in my life.
I had broken up with my boy friend due to reasons and T was the only support system i had as he knew everything about my life. He was the one bringing me out of that darkness when i needed a ray of light the most. He was that light. He was that candle.
Eventually everything was fine and back on track.
But as it is said there are always two sides of a coin. This was the happy side. The bad was yet to come.

After my break up i became extremely snappy at people. Really impatient and rude with everyone including T. I hurted him many a times not intentionally ofcourse but it just happened in the flow. I forgot that he was the one who was there when i needed somebody and that he would never stop loving me as a friend.
But my bad behaviour was not tolerable everytime by T. Though he understood and had been patient with me everytime(which i am still glad and thankful to him)
But eventually we drifted apart because of the growing tensions and my snappy nature and tantrums and rudeness.
How much could a person handle and tolerate. Definitely not more that T did with me.
We stopped talking as i accused him that he was the reason behind my break up which i know he wasnt. I punished him for a mistake he never did.(i still feel sorry for that)
We drifted so apart and acted as if never knew each other.
Talked very less,saw each other very less,even our friends had to divided their time and attention between us.
It was like we acted as two banks of a same river which would never meet at any point.
This was the point we became total strangers and this was the point where i was totally alone.I did not like anything, became rude to everyonE,isolated myself from everyone.
T and i ignored each other. T behaved as if we ever existed ,as if i never existed. Totally invisible.
It was hurting the both of us. But we both were stuborn and idiot enough to take a step and sort out our issues.
And when two best of friends act as strangers it hurts the most.
Its like you know that it is wrong but you cant correct your mistake sometimes because of a huge ego or sometimes just because that we are so ashamed of ourselves for making that mistake that we cannot find the guts to go ahead and apologise. And that was the same happening with me.
I wanted to apologise but couldnt just beacuse i was ashamed. I could see my best friend going away but did not have the guts to stop him and just say a simple  sorry.
But  T was always with me. If not directly, indirectly. T always took care of me.
Finally,i apologised.
Finally,i had those guts to face him.
T always understands me,my complex personality,my confusions(he calls me a "shop of confusions") so he forgived me.
He forgived me because he always cared for me.
Be became as we were before. Best of friends and happy still fighting on small issues but they are jsut temporary.
This post is just to thank T for everything that he has done for me and for apologising for the mistakes i have done.
And to let him know that he is the "bestest"(i know bestest is now a word #wink) but the bestest,sweetest,and the most understanding friend i have ever had.
I never really said this T but i am really very sorry for the stupid mistakes i made and the things i did that i hurt you.
Thank yu for being there everytime i needed you. You are a jewel of a person and the most handsome friend i have ever got#wink.
Lol.(and it doesnt mean laugh out loud.what else? Figure ueself T?)

And the people reading this post,if you also have some friends that are drifting apart please go and  sort everything out with them. Because friends are always the ones who act as our critic and our supporters at the same time. They praise us but know to keep us in our limits.
They behave as our parents sometimes giving us suggestions and like our siblings sometimes throwing tantrums all around.
Friends should never be lost because of some stupid mistakes.
Friends are forever.

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